Christmas 2011 was a bit of a blur.
Not in an intoxicated way.
But because there is so much I remember,
and so much more I wish I could remember.
I spent Christmas Eve being pampered with a new hairstyle, facial, mani & pedi, and shopped the rest of the day.
I remember every,
item I bought,
and I did a lot of shopping that day.
The next day Christmas Day, I prepared a fabulous dinner.
I remember details of how I set the table with coloured baubles, chocolates, fresh cherries and peppermint candy canes.
I anxiously awaited for my family to arrive,
and it was nice to see them excited at all the gifts I bought.
But what I don’t remember,
and what haunts me to this day,
are memories of my Mother that Christmas.
When I’ve asked my brothers and sisters about it,
they’ve all said that she was there.
But I don’t remember her being there.
I want to remember her.
to remember her being there.
Because that was her last Christmas,
before she passed away.
I really want to remember her that day.
But I cant.
I close my eyes,
and I can see back to that day.
I can see every family member.
I can see their smiling faces.
But I can’t see her face.
I don’t see her at all.
I don’t remember her that day.
I don’t remember her,
because my mind is full of memories of little significance.